Boob-Ha-Ha

Oh, couldn’t you just keel from the symbolism of ending the auction with a woman named Autumn, after auctioning goods by someone named Summer? It’s rich.

One of these days, I hope to have Summer and Autumn in the same room, just to see how many times my brain farts and I get their names mixed up.

Autumn’s the brain behind String Theory, but she’s also a craft show organizer extraordinaire. In fact, she’s much better-suited for this craft auction stuff than I am. It makes me cry sometimes because it’s hard. Anyway, Autumn’s responsible for the Strange Folk Festival (Sept. 22, 10 - 6 in O’Fallon, IL). She’s also responsible for this Most Autumnal of Handbags:

Cotton paisley. Rust felt. Makes me want to jump in the leaves.

I’ve written so many of these posts in the past three days that I’m obviously bordering on bad poetry. So I’ll just say that bidding begins at $20 $36.

Monday morning, the bidding begins! Instructions will be reposted but if you want to brush up on what this is about, take a look at the first post.

Happy bidding! Happy boobies!

My friend Summer takes really beautiful photos and does terribly cool things to them. When I pestered her for a donation, she wasn’t thrilled with doing a framed print, which is fine since we wound up with lots of great framed prints. I’m not sure how I got to know so many talented photographers. Anyway, Summer’s one of them, and she had the great idea of turning a bunch of her photos into notecards.

Did I mention that Summer’s smarter than just about everyone I know? She is.

Hello Notecards

The cards are 3.5″ x 5″ and there are 12 per set (four of each design). Bidding starts at $10 $31.

Blooms Notecards
The cards are 3.5″ x 5″ and there are 12 per set (four of each design). Bidding starts at $10 $21.

Feline Notecards

The cards are 3.5″ x 5″ and there are 12 per set (four of each design). Bidding starts at $10 $31

Now we have photocards. They’re a bit bigger (5″ x 5″) and come in sets of 25 cards. Each card in a set will have the same design.

Top left: Weeds Photocards. Bidding starts at $25$26.
Top right: Flower Photocards. Bidding starts at $25 $36.
Bottom left: Denim Photocards. Bidding starts at $25 $26.
Bottom right: Badlands Photocards. Bidding starts at $25.

My friend Raquel cracks me up to no end. Not just when she’s groping our mutual friends in public, either. That’s okay, really, because Raquel’s a radiologist who’s spent a chunk of her career administering mammograms. So what if she occasionally gives them to her friends, at lunch, and without any x-ray equipment? Boobs are her business.

No, that’s not what cracks me up with Raquel. What never ceases to make me life is what an idea person she is. Always coming up with ideas, plans, more ideas. She was one of the first people to know about Boob-Ha-Ha, and for a good six weeks I’ve been listening to her speculate on what she might donate. An oil painting from a class she’s taking? Cookies? Something she’s knit? The ottomans she’s reupholstered that her husband’s going to hate when he returns from Iraq?

In the end, she did exactly what I did: raided her stash of homemade goodies and did a little recycling. In this case, it’s wonderful Sunshine Yarn hand-painted, hand-dyed sock yarn.

Sunshine Yarn - Reef

100 grams, 450 yards 100% superwash merino wool. Machine-washable. Bidding starts at $20 $36.

Sunshine Yarn - Airy TD

100 grams, 450 yards 100% superwash merino wool. Machine-washable. Pattern included. Bidding starts at $20 $36.

Sunshine Yarn - Oh Baby!

100 grams, 450 yards 100% superwash merino wool. Machine-washable. Bidding starts at $20 $36.

I’d like to think that by donating someone else’s handmade goods, this will free Raquel’s schedule up for her latest creative endeavors, such as strapping M-120s to generic Barbie dolls and videotaping the carnage.

The other night my kid, Clara Jane told her father, “Mom’s going to shave her head pink.”

Apparently the kid’s been paying attention. Just not really close attention to what’s going on. As you might recall when I introduced Boob-Ha-Ha, I mentioned that I’ll dye my hair hot pink if the auction raises $1000, and my cousin Wendy is shaving her head if she reaches her personal $5000 goal for The 3 Day.

I’m pretty confident that I’ll soon be a nearly-35-year-old suburban mom with a big headful of curly pink hair. And I’m okay with that.

I should probably see if I can talk my friend Jill into a similar hair-coloring scheme so I won’t be the only mom in town with ridiculous hair. Her oldest daugher is 22.5 hours younger than my Clara Jane. Jill and I met when we were both a few months along in our pregnancies, so our friendship has primarily revolved around mom-hood and our girls.

All along I knew that Jill quilts and is into photography, so of course I pestered her for a donation. After all these years, it wasn’t until she showed up last night with a bag full of 11″ x 14″ framed prints of her photos that I knew how talented she is! Aside from a cute shot she took of Clara Jane, some hippos, and me at the zoo two years ago I’d never seen her work in person. She’s generous, too.

Leaves and Sky Photo

8″ x 10″ photo with white matte and black frame. Bidding begins at $40 $51.

Hibiscus Photo

8″ x 10″ photo with white matte in dark wood frame. Bidding begins at $40 $41.

Sunset Street Lamp Photo

8″ x 10″ photo with white matte and black wood frame. You need to see this photo to truly appreciate it. I’m not sure where it was taken, but looking at it feels like driving down Beverly Hills Blvd. in a convertable at sunset. Not that I’ve ever done that. But you can for a starting bid of $40 $51.

Beach Sunset Photo

8″ x 10″ unmatted photo in an oversized white wood frame. Bidding begins at $40.

I’ve never been considered shy. I’m that nut who will walk up to you at the grocery store and ask you how you’re going to fix that cheese. Or who invites you to lunch five minutes after meeting you. Friendly. Boundary-less. In need of social skills. Whatever. It works for me most of the time, and it’s really worked for me in getting goodies for this auction.

In one case, I didn’t even have to ask. Someone left a comment on one of the auctions, offering a Papier Mache Bowl.

It’s a papier mache bowl made with a wire-frame base. She painted it with copper on the inside of the bowl and used a copper patina on the outside. The bottom is a glossy black. Signed with the artist’s thumbprint. There is also a hidden note of good fortune trapped in the base.

It stands 8″ tall and the bowl diameter is 12″.

Bidding to start at $20 $61.

To which I said, “Thank you! We’ll take it! It’s gorgeous! Who are you anyway?”.

Her name’s Erika. She lives in Boston, found us via Fluid Puddin, and is possible undead. I’m not sure. I don’t care. Who says zombies can’t be good people?

That’s their names, and I just like saying them together. Carrie and Porkchop. It’s got that good cop/bad cop ’80s movie feel about it. Or, if you will, the ring of a fake movie on an episode of “Seinfeld”.

I say that only because today I learned that Carrie, like me, has a thing for Seinfeld references.

Carrie and Porkchop are more internet strangers, although Carrie once saw Clara Jane and me at a local coffeehouse, but she didn’t approch us. I don’t blame her. If I were me and I encountered myself and Clara Jane in public, I’d probably hide.

And yet here they are, giving really cool stuff for the auction.

Chevron Scarf

I cannot wait to lay hands on this scarf because it’s going to be the softest thing ever made. It’s made from on of my favorite yarns - Colinette Jitterbug in Fire and Florentina. When finished it’ll measure 4.5″ x 55″.

Carrie wants me to mention that she does have a cat, the beautiful Keetah. Not that she’s offering Keetah for auction. She just wants to make sure that any bidders with severe cat allergies be aware. If you’ve taken your antihistimines, start the bidding at $25 $36.

Porkchop, while being a total stranger, is offering the winner of the Auction Item That Surprised Me the Most With Its Coolness:

Caricature by the World-Famous Porkchop

Amanda, I mean Porkchop, is a caricature artist at Six Flags St. Louis. She’s offering a 12″ x 16″ caricature drawn from a photo (no more than five people) in graphite with airbrush on paper. It’ll take her 3-5 business days, and I’ll make sure the winning bidder has the means of getting in touch with the ‘chop after the auction. But first you’ve got to start the bidding at $35 $51.

Ah, those crazy people on the internet. Is there actually anyone out there who still thinks that only crazy people meet on the internet? What about crazy people, their boyfriends, and their 78-year-old moms?

Amy has been a commenter on my blog for as long as I can remember. She works near my new house and we talked about getting together for coffee once I got settled, which still hasn’t happened. That didn’t stop me from letting her and her boyfriend into my house when they showed up on my doorstep today with a bag full of auctionables.

It was lovely, of course, and they’re both coming to the shindig next week. No one was abducted by Crazy Internet People.

As for that 78-year-old mom of hers, we didn’t get to meet, but she’s responsible for a big portion of the auction items non-stalker Amy brought with her today.

Just let it be known that had Amy been some crazed internet stalker, I would have died for boobies. Viva la boobies!

Dulcimer Pillow Pair

Amy’s mom cross-stitched this beautiful pair of throw pillows. They’re classics in burgandy with white piping. Bidding begins at $25 $31.

Pink Lady Pillow

Another classic, this time with green velvet and a lovely Victorian lady. Bidding begins at $15 $21.

Seashell Pillow

Beautifully detailed cross-stitched conched shell on a soft burgandy pillow. Bidding begins at $15.

Amy did some stuff, too.

Silk Herbal Eye Mask

You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to use this mask all day. I’ve had a raging sinus headache that still lingers despite a lot of ibuprofin and two dates with a neti pot. And here I have this gorgeous, knitted silk eye mask, filled with dried peppermint, lavender and flax seeds that hold heat when microwaved or cold when chilled. You’d still bid on it if I gave it a test run, right? Well, I didn’t, so you can start bidding at $15 $171> (Yes, you read that correctly).

“Unbiased” Sari Silk Bag

If you kni, you undoubtedly know about the coolness that is sari silk. It’s made by women in Nepal from the cut fabric ends left over when saris are made. No two skeins are alike, and the sale of the yarn provides a living for some of the most impoverished women in the world. Plus, it’s gorgeous.

The pattern for the purse appeared in Knitty but Amy’s added one vast improvement to the original - two magnetic clasps to keep this loose, casual purse closed. Bidding starts at $25 $41.

Can I tell you how much I adore my friend Dixie? She lives in Germany, but is from Mississippi. She’s a southern girl through and through, and yet now she doesn’t even live in southern Germany!

Dixie’s an awesome sock-knitter. So much so that, when I gave up trying to knit socks for the 320th time, I sent all my sock yarn and tiny needles to her. She promised to return the yarn in sock form. She did, and they’re fab.

Funny thing is, about 17 minutes after I sent the package to Dixie in Germany, I figured out the sock-knitting thing. She remains much more skilled than me, though, because there’s no way I could successfully knit the socks she’s offering to auction.

Dixie (who’s real name is Kim, but why would you call her Kim when you can call her Dixie?) has offered to knit a pair of Pink Ribbon Socks to the top bidder. Provide your foot measurements, and she’ll knit the feet to custom-fit.

Since she hasn’t made the sock yet, I don’t have a photo but you can take a look at the pattern. She’ll be using the fabulous Regia Silk pink yarn. It’s a super-soft blend of silk, wool, and a smidge of nylon to give it some stretch. Bidding starts at $20 $61.

I know what you’re thinking. She makes jelly. She’s running this Boob-Ha-Ha thing. She occasionally writes on her own blog. Does Robin ever sleep?

No. I’ve decided I don’t need sleep. It’s for the weak who have nothing better to do. Granted, it’s easy to say that at midnight-thirty, after the two-hour nap I took this afternoon. A nap I took after baking a cake from scratch! With a three-year-old’s help!

Anyway, if I were home, I might be sleeping by now. Most likely I’d be reading. But I’m not home. I’m minding Beqi’s young one, who’s sleeping at the other end of the couch.

That’s right. I make jelly, organize auctions, blog, make cakes from scratch with the help of a three-year-old, naps, and I got Little Eddie, The Child Who Never Sleeps, to sleep.

I rule.

I need a blanket. Like the Ice Ice Baby Quilt.
(You know, I’m starting to feel like Elaine on Seinfeld when she wrote for that horrible catalog, trying to come up with clever ways to segue into merchandise descriptions. Sadly, I often feel like Elaine. Anyway.)

This comes from my pal Allison, proprietor of Squaresville. Since I love Allison’s storytelling skills (she’s also an English teacher), I’ll let her tell the tale behind this quilt:

The beauty of this quilt is its genesis. I had it
planned out on graph paper, but then El Ice Storm 06
hit, and I had to put it together at my MIL’s house.
So, I wasn’t able to lay the blocks out and rearrange
them if they clashed. It turned out fine, and has many
happy memories of rockin’ out in the MIL’s kitchen
with her and her Best Hits of the 70’s CD. “Summer
breeze, makes me feel fine, blowin’ through the
jasmine in my miiiiind…” Good times.

Thus the name “Ice Ice Baby”. It’s appropriate, since Wendy happens to be the only remaining Vanilla Ice fan in existance.

60″ wide and 84″ long-ish.It is a summer spread-no batting. The backing is
lightweight upholstery fabric.

Let’s start the bidding at $40.$101.

Allison’s also offering the chance for one lucky bidder to win a gift certificate of sorts to her Etsy store. The winner will get to choose either one pair of potholders or one oven mitt. Bidding on the Squaresville faux gift certificate starts at $15 $26.

I’m not just hosting this shindig, I’m offering a few things for sale, too. I really don’t have any glowing compliments to pay myself, so I’m just going to show you the goods and take a shower.

Fruit and Herbs Jelly Set

Let’s see if I can remember what these are without getting off my lazy butt:
8 oz. jar peach jam
8 oz. jar pomegranate jelly
8 oz. jar whole berry cranberry jelly
8 oz. jar lavender jelly
4 oz. jar basil jelly
All homemade, all yummy. Are you wondering what the hell to do with basil and lavender jelly? Use the lavender the same as you would any fruit jelly. It makes awesome PB&J sandwiches. The basil jelly makes a great glaze for chicken or pork. It’s yummy on garlic bread. My favorite way to use it is to spread a layer of it on a big ol’ muffuletta, which sounds dirty but isn’t. Unless you want it to be. Bidding for the whole jelly set begins at $15 $41.

You Like Them Apples?

If you like Jonathan apples, you’ll sure as hell like them apples. This set has:
8 oz. jar spice apple cider jelly
8 oz. jar Jonathan applesauce, sauced by my veryown hands and dear God, that’s some hard work
Two 12-oz. jars Jonathan apple pie filling. You like? You open bidding at $15 $31.