Boob-Ha-Ha

That’s their names, and I just like saying them together. Carrie and Porkchop. It’s got that good cop/bad cop ’80s movie feel about it. Or, if you will, the ring of a fake movie on an episode of “Seinfeld”.

I say that only because today I learned that Carrie, like me, has a thing for Seinfeld references.

Carrie and Porkchop are more internet strangers, although Carrie once saw Clara Jane and me at a local coffeehouse, but she didn’t approch us. I don’t blame her. If I were me and I encountered myself and Clara Jane in public, I’d probably hide.

And yet here they are, giving really cool stuff for the auction.

Chevron Scarf

I cannot wait to lay hands on this scarf because it’s going to be the softest thing ever made. It’s made from on of my favorite yarns - Colinette Jitterbug in Fire and Florentina. When finished it’ll measure 4.5″ x 55″.

Carrie wants me to mention that she does have a cat, the beautiful Keetah. Not that she’s offering Keetah for auction. She just wants to make sure that any bidders with severe cat allergies be aware. If you’ve taken your antihistimines, start the bidding at $25 $36.

Porkchop, while being a total stranger, is offering the winner of the Auction Item That Surprised Me the Most With Its Coolness:

Caricature by the World-Famous Porkchop

Amanda, I mean Porkchop, is a caricature artist at Six Flags St. Louis. She’s offering a 12″ x 16″ caricature drawn from a photo (no more than five people) in graphite with airbrush on paper. It’ll take her 3-5 business days, and I’ll make sure the winning bidder has the means of getting in touch with the ‘chop after the auction. But first you’ve got to start the bidding at $35 $51.

Ah, those crazy people on the internet. Is there actually anyone out there who still thinks that only crazy people meet on the internet? What about crazy people, their boyfriends, and their 78-year-old moms?

Amy has been a commenter on my blog for as long as I can remember. She works near my new house and we talked about getting together for coffee once I got settled, which still hasn’t happened. That didn’t stop me from letting her and her boyfriend into my house when they showed up on my doorstep today with a bag full of auctionables.

It was lovely, of course, and they’re both coming to the shindig next week. No one was abducted by Crazy Internet People.

As for that 78-year-old mom of hers, we didn’t get to meet, but she’s responsible for a big portion of the auction items non-stalker Amy brought with her today.

Just let it be known that had Amy been some crazed internet stalker, I would have died for boobies. Viva la boobies!

Dulcimer Pillow Pair

Amy’s mom cross-stitched this beautiful pair of throw pillows. They’re classics in burgandy with white piping. Bidding begins at $25 $31.

Pink Lady Pillow

Another classic, this time with green velvet and a lovely Victorian lady. Bidding begins at $15 $21.

Seashell Pillow

Beautifully detailed cross-stitched conched shell on a soft burgandy pillow. Bidding begins at $15.

Amy did some stuff, too.

Silk Herbal Eye Mask

You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to use this mask all day. I’ve had a raging sinus headache that still lingers despite a lot of ibuprofin and two dates with a neti pot. And here I have this gorgeous, knitted silk eye mask, filled with dried peppermint, lavender and flax seeds that hold heat when microwaved or cold when chilled. You’d still bid on it if I gave it a test run, right? Well, I didn’t, so you can start bidding at $15 $171> (Yes, you read that correctly).

“Unbiased” Sari Silk Bag

If you kni, you undoubtedly know about the coolness that is sari silk. It’s made by women in Nepal from the cut fabric ends left over when saris are made. No two skeins are alike, and the sale of the yarn provides a living for some of the most impoverished women in the world. Plus, it’s gorgeous.

The pattern for the purse appeared in Knitty but Amy’s added one vast improvement to the original - two magnetic clasps to keep this loose, casual purse closed. Bidding starts at $25 $41.

Can I tell you how much I adore my friend Dixie? She lives in Germany, but is from Mississippi. She’s a southern girl through and through, and yet now she doesn’t even live in southern Germany!

Dixie’s an awesome sock-knitter. So much so that, when I gave up trying to knit socks for the 320th time, I sent all my sock yarn and tiny needles to her. She promised to return the yarn in sock form. She did, and they’re fab.

Funny thing is, about 17 minutes after I sent the package to Dixie in Germany, I figured out the sock-knitting thing. She remains much more skilled than me, though, because there’s no way I could successfully knit the socks she’s offering to auction.

Dixie (who’s real name is Kim, but why would you call her Kim when you can call her Dixie?) has offered to knit a pair of Pink Ribbon Socks to the top bidder. Provide your foot measurements, and she’ll knit the feet to custom-fit.

Since she hasn’t made the sock yet, I don’t have a photo but you can take a look at the pattern. She’ll be using the fabulous Regia Silk pink yarn. It’s a super-soft blend of silk, wool, and a smidge of nylon to give it some stretch. Bidding starts at $20 $61.

I’ll bet a lot of you are regular readers of Fluid Pudding, the blog hosted by my pal Angela.

That’s right. She’s my pal. I always feel terribly boastful when I mention our friendship on my blog or to other bloggers, since she’s somewhat of a biggie amongst Mommy Bloggers. Fact is, if it wasn’t for her, you probably wouldn’t be reading me, because I think about 95% of my readership came directly from her recommendation when I started Poppymom a little over three years ago.

Since you probably read Fluid Pudding, you no doubt know that she’s crafty. She gets around. She’s crafty. She’s always down. She’s crafty. She’s got a gripe. She’s crafty. She’s just my type. And I say this only because among her writing and crafting talents, Angela claims to know all the words to the entire Licensed to Ill album, a claim I intend to make her prove one of these days.

In the meantime, she knits and donates. Here’s what she’s got:

The Stripey Purse, made in my all-time favorite color combo of purple and green. Main body is 10 inches wide and 6 1/2 inches tall. Magnetic closure with decorative button. Bidding starts at $20. $51

Socks! She’s knit a pair of socks for the auction! You know you want these, especially if you’re a Harry Potter nerd. These are the Horcrux Socks. I’m not far enough along in the HP books to know what that means, but if you do, you know you want these for the upcoming movie and book releases:

100% Superfine Australian Merino Yarn (Worsted Weight)
Superwash (lay flat or tumble dry on delicate)
Perfect for lounging (or skating on hard wood) as you read Harry Potter
and The Deathly Hallows
Will (probably) fit women’s size 7-10ish or men’s size 5 1/2 to 8 1/2.
(UK 39-43). The opening bid will take $15 $31 from your book and movie budget.

Fluid Pudding. Felted Bowls. Both somewhat contradictory terms. Both awesome. While you can’t buy Fluid Pudding, you can buy her felted bowls.



Large striped bowl is 4 1/2 inches high and 5 inches wide.
Tiny red bowl is 3 inches high and 4 1/2 inches wide.
Tiny red bowl fits nicely into large striped bowl.

These are really cute for Christmas. Like, fill them with something that
smells good, or dump wrapped candy into them, or even put shiny
ornaments in them. THAT would be cute!

They’re fuzzy! And they’re bowls! That’s pretty fucking unexpected, no? Bidding begins at $20 $36.

How about on Independence Day, we talk about un-liberating your cell phone or iPod? I have a big problem with having umpteen bazillion small electronic devices floating around my purse and never being able to grab them when I need them. I carry a giant purse with a huge applique of Our Lady of Guadalupe on the front. I should probably have Beqi make me another purse with St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost things on it, because I can’t find shit, regardless of what purse I’m carrying.

Anyway, when saw Jenni’s self-designed electronics cozy on Ravelry awhile back, I immediately begged her to make one for the Boob-Ha-Ha. I call him the Calamari Cozy.

My thought process goes like this: my cell phone starts blaring (or I have the uncontrollable urge to grab my iPod and listen to “Icky Thump” for the 9324 time today, or there’s someone with a skullet wearing a Dokken t-shirt who must be photographed), but because of the nightmare of electronics, keys, toddler gear, dog food - how the hell did that get in here? - I can’t get to whatever much-needed device in time.

Tentacles! If only I had a Calamari Cozy, I could simply grab a tentacle, have the much-needed device in hand, and have my call answered/White Stripes jones cured/funny photo of the day. Isn’t that just about the most brilliant idea in cozy design you’ve ever seen? I think so.

A couple of special things about the Calamari Cozy: 1) Jenni is also a member of Team Boobylicious and will be doing the 3-Day with Wendy. So she’s walking and knitting for the cause. So go throw some cash her way, too. And 2) this photo isn’t the actual Calamari Cozy that’s up for auction. Jenni’s offered to custom-make cozies per the specifications of the two highest bidders. That’s right - top bidder #1 and #2 will both win, and Jenni will make the Calamari Cozy to fit your model of cell phone, MP3 player, camera, or whatever electronic device in your purse that you might need to grab quickly that we don’t want to hear about. Bidding starts at $15 $16.