Boob-Ha-Ha

That’s their names, and I just like saying them together. Carrie and Porkchop. It’s got that good cop/bad cop ’80s movie feel about it. Or, if you will, the ring of a fake movie on an episode of “Seinfeld”.

I say that only because today I learned that Carrie, like me, has a thing for Seinfeld references.

Carrie and Porkchop are more internet strangers, although Carrie once saw Clara Jane and me at a local coffeehouse, but she didn’t approch us. I don’t blame her. If I were me and I encountered myself and Clara Jane in public, I’d probably hide.

And yet here they are, giving really cool stuff for the auction.

Chevron Scarf

I cannot wait to lay hands on this scarf because it’s going to be the softest thing ever made. It’s made from on of my favorite yarns - Colinette Jitterbug in Fire and Florentina. When finished it’ll measure 4.5″ x 55″.

Carrie wants me to mention that she does have a cat, the beautiful Keetah. Not that she’s offering Keetah for auction. She just wants to make sure that any bidders with severe cat allergies be aware. If you’ve taken your antihistimines, start the bidding at $25 $36.

Porkchop, while being a total stranger, is offering the winner of the Auction Item That Surprised Me the Most With Its Coolness:

Caricature by the World-Famous Porkchop

Amanda, I mean Porkchop, is a caricature artist at Six Flags St. Louis. She’s offering a 12″ x 16″ caricature drawn from a photo (no more than five people) in graphite with airbrush on paper. It’ll take her 3-5 business days, and I’ll make sure the winning bidder has the means of getting in touch with the ‘chop after the auction. But first you’ve got to start the bidding at $35 $51.

I’m not just hosting this shindig, I’m offering a few things for sale, too. I really don’t have any glowing compliments to pay myself, so I’m just going to show you the goods and take a shower.

Fruit and Herbs Jelly Set

Let’s see if I can remember what these are without getting off my lazy butt:
8 oz. jar peach jam
8 oz. jar pomegranate jelly
8 oz. jar whole berry cranberry jelly
8 oz. jar lavender jelly
4 oz. jar basil jelly
All homemade, all yummy. Are you wondering what the hell to do with basil and lavender jelly? Use the lavender the same as you would any fruit jelly. It makes awesome PB&J sandwiches. The basil jelly makes a great glaze for chicken or pork. It’s yummy on garlic bread. My favorite way to use it is to spread a layer of it on a big ol’ muffuletta, which sounds dirty but isn’t. Unless you want it to be. Bidding for the whole jelly set begins at $15 $41.

You Like Them Apples?

If you like Jonathan apples, you’ll sure as hell like them apples. This set has:
8 oz. jar spice apple cider jelly
8 oz. jar Jonathan applesauce, sauced by my veryown hands and dear God, that’s some hard work
Two 12-oz. jars Jonathan apple pie filling. You like? You open bidding at $15 $31.

How about on Independence Day, we talk about un-liberating your cell phone or iPod? I have a big problem with having umpteen bazillion small electronic devices floating around my purse and never being able to grab them when I need them. I carry a giant purse with a huge applique of Our Lady of Guadalupe on the front. I should probably have Beqi make me another purse with St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost things on it, because I can’t find shit, regardless of what purse I’m carrying.

Anyway, when saw Jenni’s self-designed electronics cozy on Ravelry awhile back, I immediately begged her to make one for the Boob-Ha-Ha. I call him the Calamari Cozy.

My thought process goes like this: my cell phone starts blaring (or I have the uncontrollable urge to grab my iPod and listen to “Icky Thump” for the 9324 time today, or there’s someone with a skullet wearing a Dokken t-shirt who must be photographed), but because of the nightmare of electronics, keys, toddler gear, dog food - how the hell did that get in here? - I can’t get to whatever much-needed device in time.

Tentacles! If only I had a Calamari Cozy, I could simply grab a tentacle, have the much-needed device in hand, and have my call answered/White Stripes jones cured/funny photo of the day. Isn’t that just about the most brilliant idea in cozy design you’ve ever seen? I think so.

A couple of special things about the Calamari Cozy: 1) Jenni is also a member of Team Boobylicious and will be doing the 3-Day with Wendy. So she’s walking and knitting for the cause. So go throw some cash her way, too. And 2) this photo isn’t the actual Calamari Cozy that’s up for auction. Jenni’s offered to custom-make cozies per the specifications of the two highest bidders. That’s right - top bidder #1 and #2 will both win, and Jenni will make the Calamari Cozy to fit your model of cell phone, MP3 player, camera, or whatever electronic device in your purse that you might need to grab quickly that we don’t want to hear about. Bidding starts at $15 $16.